An empty tank and a cigarette...
Monday, November 20, 2006
An empty tank and a cigarette...
Current mood: exanimate
Category: Life
It seems so much later than it really is. East coast time puts me at around 11pm, but I feel as though I have been awake for days...
[Imagery: I'm on a highway, no exits or rest stops for miles in either direction. There's nothing but flatlands, and my tank is on empty... There are no stars, no moon, no streetlights-- and both headlights are out.
The only light is the flicker of a discarded cigarette on the road, a fading speck in the rearview mirror. ]
I'm trying to distract myself from the pain this damn ulcer[-slash-something] is causing me. The meds have gone from ineffective to counter productive; when I return to California, I should know more-- once the results of my next series of tests come in.
I'll be 20 in just under a week, but I feel as though I am aging much more than that. It's been a long year; I anticipate December to be even longer. I never mind a long December, however; I just put Counting Crows on repeat and allow myself to experience the emotions that they bring.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of dating.
I'm even more tired of relationships.
I'm tired of mixed signals.
I'm tired of jealousy, especially because none of it is mine.
I'm tired of second hand smoke.
I'm tired of ulcers, ambiguous tests, stomach pain.
I'm tired of my cell phone.
I'm tired of missing my loved ones.
I'm tired of responsibility.
I'm tired of the way that I have been feeling lately.
I'm tired of first impressions.
I'm tired of poverty. And I don't just mean mine.
I'm tired of the art that I have been [successfully or unsuccessfully] trying to create.
Today, I changed my address to Deer Park, New York. I have an official document stating that this is my new permanent address; mail-forwarding begins January 15th, so please-- hurry up and...
Hurry up!
Don't stop!
[December's chill comes late, the days get darker, and we wait for this direness to pass... There are piles on the floor of artifacts from dresser drawers, and I'll help you pack...]
An empty tank and a cigarette...
Current mood: exanimate
Category: Life
It seems so much later than it really is. East coast time puts me at around 11pm, but I feel as though I have been awake for days...
[Imagery: I'm on a highway, no exits or rest stops for miles in either direction. There's nothing but flatlands, and my tank is on empty... There are no stars, no moon, no streetlights-- and both headlights are out.
The only light is the flicker of a discarded cigarette on the road, a fading speck in the rearview mirror. ]
I'm trying to distract myself from the pain this damn ulcer[-slash-something] is causing me. The meds have gone from ineffective to counter productive; when I return to California, I should know more-- once the results of my next series of tests come in.
I'll be 20 in just under a week, but I feel as though I am aging much more than that. It's been a long year; I anticipate December to be even longer. I never mind a long December, however; I just put Counting Crows on repeat and allow myself to experience the emotions that they bring.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of dating.
I'm even more tired of relationships.
I'm tired of mixed signals.
I'm tired of jealousy, especially because none of it is mine.
I'm tired of second hand smoke.
I'm tired of ulcers, ambiguous tests, stomach pain.
I'm tired of my cell phone.
I'm tired of missing my loved ones.
I'm tired of responsibility.
I'm tired of the way that I have been feeling lately.
I'm tired of first impressions.
I'm tired of poverty. And I don't just mean mine.
I'm tired of the art that I have been [successfully or unsuccessfully] trying to create.
Today, I changed my address to Deer Park, New York. I have an official document stating that this is my new permanent address; mail-forwarding begins January 15th, so please-- hurry up and...
Hurry up!
Don't stop!
[December's chill comes late, the days get darker, and we wait for this direness to pass... There are piles on the floor of artifacts from dresser drawers, and I'll help you pack...]
posted by Sweet Guenivere | 3:46 PM
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